I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
