I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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