I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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