it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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