I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
