what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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