i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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