Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
