i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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