ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
