i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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