$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
