Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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