We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
