I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
