Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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