You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
