My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
