tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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