I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
