Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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