Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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