So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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