I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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