I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
