Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
