why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
