Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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