will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
