So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
