Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
