I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
