I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
