If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
