I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
