HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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