if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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