just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
