I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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