i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize