apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
