Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
