She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
