You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
