The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
