I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
did i walk over a car last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
