ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
