I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Text me some of your sweat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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