FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
