he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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