Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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