it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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