But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
