I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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