a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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