that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize