I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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