life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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