the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
