I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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