i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
