he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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