So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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