So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
