you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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