ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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