Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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