He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I looked at my own cervix.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize