don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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