We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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