Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
