Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
