So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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