You just made me feel so damn special
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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