Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
