it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
