I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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