Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want nice things and good sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
